Short Guide on Understanding and Parenting Teenagers - Millennial Parent to Gen-Z Teenager #830280

No matter what happens, teenagers will always act like teenagers. No matter how prepared we think we are or how much we've planned, teenagers often find ways to rebel. Their attitudes can change drastically, especially when they hit puberty. Even if they were well-behaved as children, they can become quite different when they embrace the "teen" lifestyle.

We've all been through it ourselves; and in some way or another, we caused our parents headaches and heartaches, just as teenagers do now. Adolescence is a time of immense change in every person's life. It involves rapid physical, emotional, and mental development. Teenagers embark on a journey of self-discovery, forming their identities and seeking independence. Parenting during this period requires patience, understanding, and flexible strategies to support their growth and well-being.

Teenagers undergo significant developmental changes that shape their behaviors and perspectives. Physically, puberty brings hormonal shifts and growth spurts, affecting their appearance and bodily functions. Emotionally, they experience heightened sensitivity, mood swings, and a desire for independence. Their brains also undergo important rewiring, improving their ability to think critically while they are still learning to control impulses and make decisions.

Think back to when we were teenagers and struggled to understand our feelings, felt misunderstood by our families, and dealt with skin issues at the worst times. Today's teenagers face similar challenges, often feeling overwhelmed by their changing bodies and emotions. Like a virus, teenage issues can change over time.

Effective parenting is crucial during this period, though there's no perfect approach. It involves finding a balance between providing guidance and allowing independence.

Open Communication
Open communication is key. Cliché as it sounds, but it is the key and also one of the hardest thing to do. As parents, especially those who work full time, we may not always have the time or energy to communicate everything to our teenagers. We may lose our patience or be dealing with unresolved childhood issues that cloud our judgment. However, breaking this cycle is essential for becoming better parents. Open communication creates a safe space for teenagers to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. We may become upset about what our teenagers post on social media, but we should step back, control our reactions, and learn to express our views without being prejudiced or authoritarian. Instead, we must listen actively and accept their emotions, even when we don't necessarily agree with their ideas. Else they will block you and you wouldn’t know what’s going on anymore.

Setting Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries while promoting independence helps teenagers understand the expectations and consequences of their actions. Collaborating with them to establish rules respects their growing autonomy while ensuring mutual respect and responsibility.
For example, my ninth-grade son attends one of the prestigious science schools in the Philippines. When he asked to join the volleyball club, I agreed under the condition that it wouldn't affect his academics. I also made it clear that he couldn't use tiredness from practices as an excuse to skip classes.
Another practice I follow is recognizing and celebrating my teen’s unique interests, strengths, and preferences. Despite my preference for him to choose the ABM (Accountancy, Business, and Management) strand, I fully supported his decision to pursue STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). In ninth grade, we discovered his strength in research, so we supported him throughout his experiments in tenth grade. We also discuss his plans for college, and I've encouraged him to pursue any field that involves "Tech" (such as Biotech or Agritech).

Rescpect Their Individuality
Even when he was young, I always involved my son in decisions that impacted his life. In sixth grade, I encouraged him to consider attending my old high school, which was within walking distance and offered an advanced science program through DOST. However, he expressed a preference for Quezon City Science High School, so we had him take the entrance exam, which he successfully passed.

Empower Decision-Making
By eighth grade, he started feeling the pressure and jokingly remarked that he should have followed our advice. He found his classmates highly competitive and superior. I reminded him that attending that school had been his dream, and he needed to persevere. Together, we discussed his priorities, what adjustments he needed to make, and how to manage his time effectively for academics. We also talked about handling peer pressure and maintaining his composure.

Parenting during this challenging time was tough because teenagers, as mentioned earlier, often find ways to rebel and may not always be receptive. However, through patience and consistency, I was able to share my experiences and knowledge with him.

Model Positive Behavior
I strongly believe in leading by example. My understanding of my teenager's behavior is influenced by my experience managing younger staff at work, where I encounter various attitudes. This prepared me well for puberty, as I've practiced active listening and developed patience.

When it comes to expressing my feelings, I ensure I don't react during his tantrums. Instead, I give him space to express his emotions. There have been moments when I felt like reacting impulsively, but I've chosen to remain silent. I wait a day or two before discussing my thoughts with him, explaining how his tantrums affected me. Over time, I've observed that he has started apologizing on his own and explaining why he acted out. This is the behavior I encourage him to adopt in his interactions at school.
I consistently emphasize to him the importance of avoiding unnecessary conflicts and asserting his rights at the right time. I stress that not every situation needs to be resolved through argumentation.

Encourage Independence
Having experienced "smart-shaming" myself, I understand the importance of equipping my teenager with skills beyond academics. I firmly believe in household chores as a foundation for developing mental and emotional readiness. Chores can be a challenge for teens, especially boys. While I might ask him to do the dishes, I give him the flexibility to choose when he completes them. Over time, he has taken the initiative without needing reminders, whether it's doing laundry or cleaning his room.

The one area we're still working on is establishing a bedtime routine. He struggles to go to bed early, but I emphasize the importance of waking up on time for class regardless of how much sleep he gets. I prioritize attendance over sleep, believing it's a necessary trade-off for staying up late.

Promote Healthy Habits
Encouraging healthy habits is challenging for us due to our night shift work schedule and the resulting lack of adequate sleep. Nevertheless, I consistently remind my teenager to take his vitamins, ensure he drinks sterilized milk, and prioritize sleep. Lately, I've been making an effort to engage in small conversations with him, encourage volleyball setting drills, and discuss topics related to volleyball players. I also encourage him to spend time outdoors with his friends or participate in volleyball practice games to prevent him from being glued to screens at home.

Stay Informed and Involved
Lastly, it's crucial to stay informed and engaged. Fortunately, I have a good memory for names, so when my son shares stories about his activities, I can always recall the people he mentions. This shows him that I care and pay attention, which encourages him to share more enthusiastically. Research is a topic we delve into extensively. He often asks me to review his projects, and we discuss his coaches, teammates, and strategies for presenting his ideas in a constructive and impactful manner. Whenever I inquire about his day and he mentions I do not know the people involved, I ensure not to press further unless he chooses to share more willingly.

Indeed, parenting teenagers is a dynamic journey that requires adaptability, patience, and unconditional love. By understanding their developmental needs and fostering a supportive environment, parents can empower teenagers to navigate adolescence with confidence and resilience. Effective parenting during this transformative phase lays the foundation for healthy relationships, personal growth, and future success.

In essence, parenting teenagers is about being a guiding presence, offering support, and nurturing their journey toward adulthood with understanding and respect for their evolving identities and aspirations.

Teenagers will always be teenagers, and someday they will become parents or educators themselves. Let's remind them that they once experienced the challenges of adolescence, and we were there to support them through it.