The Railway Book of Fun - Unique Specimens of Wit, Humour, Repartee, Anecdote, Fun, Laughable Incidents, Burlesque, Mirthful and Comical Poetry, Droll Sayings, &C., Partly Original, Designed to Amuse, Sharpen Wit, Dispel Melancholy #266233

Curran and Chancellor Clare. - Lord Chancellor Clare, on one occasion, while Curran was addressing him in a most important case, occupied himself with a favourite spaniel, or Newfoundland dog, seated by him; and all the world will remember the rebuke administered to him by that rarely-gifted man. Curran having ceased speaking, through indignation, or malice propense, Lord Clare, raised his head, and asked: "Why don't you proceed, Mr. Curran?" "I thought your lordships were in consultation," replied Curran.<br><br>The following epitaph is by Moore, on an attorney named Shaw.<br><br>Here lies John Shaw,<br>Attorney at Law,<br>And when he died,<br>The devil cried,<br>"Give us your paw,<br>John Shaw,<br>Attorney at Law!" - Russell's Life of Moore.<br><br>The Tall Gentleman's Apology.<br><br>Upbraid me not; - I never swore eternal love to thee,<br>For thou art only five feet high, and I am six feet three;<br>I wonder, dear, how you supposed that I could look so low,<br>There's many a one can tie a knot, who cannot fix a beau.<br><br>Besides you must confess, my love, the bargain scarcely fair,<br>For never could we make a match, altho' we made a pair;<br>Marriage, I know, makes one of two; but here's the horrid bore,<br>My friends declare, if you are one, that I at least am four.<br><br>'Tis true the moralists have said, that Love has got no eyes,<br>But why should all my sighs be heaved for one who has no size?<br>And on oar wedding-day, I'm sure I'd leave you in the lurch,<br>For you never saw a steeple, dear, in the inside of a church.<br><br>'Tis usual for a wife to take her husband by the arm,<br>But pray excuse me should I hint a sort of fond alarm,<br>That when I offered you my arm, that happiness to beg,<br>Your highest effort, dear, would he to take me by the leg.<br><br>I do admit I wear a glass, because my sight's not good,<br>But were I always quizzing you, it might be counted rude:<br>And tho' I use a concave lens, - by all the gods! I hope<br>My wife will ne'er look up to me through a Herschel's telescope.